Why We Are Strong

Thanks to a friend, I have been put in touch with a lovely woman who is starting this journey of IVF. And, reading about where she is and where she's going, I am reminded that, when faced with adversity we have two options - Be strong or give in.

I will not give in. Even if I ultimately come to the conclusion that this process should end... I have to remind myself that it is not me giving up and giving in. Sometimes nature is just cruel and that's ok... that's not my fault.

It has led me to repost something I posted on one of the fertility forums when someone asked how do we pull ourselves out of the depression, anger and frustration a failed cycle (or repeated failed cycles) places us.

After my chemical, I also started a pretty bad spiral downwards.

DH and I did go to a therapist at the time and after talking to us both for a while she pointed out one very important thing to me. It seems a "no duh" now, but I do realize it's a trap I (still) fall into:

It's not my fault.

It's hard to remember this sometimes and put a lot of blame and pressure on ourselves that somehow we've done something wrong, that it's our fault we have issues getting pregnant, that we're somehow "bad" or "less" because of it.

But... it's NOT OUR FAULT.

She wanted me to remember this. To make this my mantra. She wanted me to get out and do other things I love, to exercise or meditate and get my mind to a better place and my bodies own endorphins doing their job.

This last BFN seems to be hitting me pretty hard on occasion. Probably the hormones still in my system, but I feel fairly bi-polar some days, and DH has been worried.

But I just try to tell myself that 1) I'm allowed to feel bad; I'm allowed to grieve and 2) I have not done anything to make this occur. It's not my fault.

I don't know if that will help; and from experience I know it doesn't make all the bad feelings go away. But it does keep pulling me back from that edge of darkness and makes me continue to explore our options... or even someday accept no options at all. I don't like to think about it... but it doesn't send me into hysterics anymore either.

Just my two coppers worth...