Saturday, February 11, 2012

A day full of heartbreak

Yesterday was not a good medical day. It was an even crappier "attempt to work" day.

I'm struggling... I'm faltering and I will admit that.

All of the little petty annoyances from earlier in the week actually served as a reminder of how difficult this particular struggle is and, though I have found some who can genuinely sympathize, we are alone in our togetherness.

And, some days, when the news seems most dire, when it's piled with other medical issues, other financial issues, other realizations that maybe just maybe you really have passed the "Mother" phase in your life and moved straight onto the "Crone".... all those petty little annoyances serve to remind you just how alone you are on the day-to-day struggle with your own emotions and your own body.

I spent most of my night crying... and by the look of it, a lot of today will be spent that way too.

I can't take any more bad new Universe. I know you think I'm strong enough to handle it, but I'm really not and I need a break. I can be rational and talk my way through Reason... but inside Fear is taking over and Heartbreak is making just thinking a struggle.

If it's going to be over, send me the means to accept it. If it's not, send me the means to make my dream happen and take away this struggle once and for all.