Yeah... when we start a new blog anywhere, we all have to do it... the "Virgin Post". That first post which says... "Here I am; this is me in all my insanity; this is me babbling away in a place that is public or semi-public about to share the inner workings of my mind with friends and strangers alike and bare myself to the world."
People used to keep private, locked diaries. Your inner thoughts, darkest fantasties and deepest wishes were something to be hoarded and kept hidden. Now... our voyeuristic tendancies and narcissism and exhibitionist sides just sort of hang it all out there like so much clean laundry. Or is it dirty laundry... something like that; pretty sure I've started mixing metaphors like a cat landing buttered side up.
I have a LiveJournal. I've kept it for years. I keep a "personal" side and a "writing" side and yet, here I am spilling on the interweb canvas in a new way. See what I mean? Voyeur, narcissist, exhibitionist.
I'm not really sure what the intent of this particular journal was supposed to be.
I am an unemployed, slightly neurotic, seriously medical-issued woman in her (mumblemumbleinchoherantaddmissionofage). I am married and childless and spend far more time than I should worrying and thinking about things best left alone, or at the very least... thought of and dismissed. I am a homeowner and pet owner and Queen of my castle, no matter how broken and busted that castle may seem sometimes. I'm an optimistic cynic and if you followed that one, you're far more intelligent than I probably gave you credit for.
I'm a "riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma" (thank you, Winston).
And sometimes I feel very alone here in my head and it's sad and dark some days... and that's why I write. I write to put it somewhere open and free and light and let it just fly away. I write because, in general, people don't always suck and sometimes, someone, somewhere has an idea that doesn't piss me off or a suggestion that makes it hurt a little less or a kind word that makes it all not important.
I write because I am a writer and "writers write" (thank you English professor who's name I can't remember, but who's line has stuck with me even after all these years).
I write to reveal the real me... because sometimes I don't think I can express myself well enough for people to understand.