Monday, December 12, 2011

And that's that...

I received my final update for this cycle.

Of 13 eggs retrieved, 12 were mature. Of those 12, 9 fertilized. Of those 9... one blasocyst was good enough to freeze for future transfer.

I don't think I need to explain how devastating this is to me. Every fiber of my being is screaming that this is a futile effort... a waste of time and money and energies I am just no longer sure I have. I still have one, this is true... and maybe it is that one which will give us the blessing we desire... but, based on past efforts, I can't hold hope for this.

I have no prospect for a job. I have no savings. I have nothing which makes this seem like a worthwhile endeavor to continue pursuing. And this is such a horrible and hard decision for me to make.

I have locked comments on this for a reason. Please do not call or email or message me about this right now. I do not wish to talk about it and I need to move past this on my own.