Moving along

I went in for my regular scan / blood work appt. this morning. The only other man in the practice (other than my doctor is Mark, one of the embryologists. He doesn't usually draw my blood, but he was there this morning taking care of things. He's always very sweet and has been there for every one of my transfers (I swear, like most of them in the practice, he takes each success and failure as close to heart as I do). We were chatting as he was drawing my blood and he suddenly looks up and greets someone who walked into the lab - Stephanie. Turns out, Stephanie sits down in the chair next to me and it's my regular OB/GYN.

First... this is the woman who referred me to this practice in the first place. So, to know that she was not only his student (he told me that at one of our first meetings), but that she's apparently a patient makes me feel even MORE happy with where we are. If she trusts him to take care of her, he must be good. He has confidence this will work eventually... so I have to keep the faith as well.

Second, she and I chatted a little about my cycles. And Mark commented that the success we had the second time was so disappointing when it started to fail because the embryos had looked so good. Any one who 1) remembers that much about a patient without a chart in front of him and 2) genuinely seems to care so much as to be visible disappointed.... this practice is what all other doctor's offices should model themselves after...

Doctor came in then and wished me good morning and just had one of those caring looks as Stephanie, Mark and I chatted. He's not a man of many words, but you can just tell... the way he looks at you when he talks, touches my shoulder before a procedure to reassure me it will be ok... I know some folks might be offended by that sort of familiarity, but honestly, I'll take a doctor who shows he cares and is comforting over a brilliant doctor  with the bedside manner of a brick wall.

As I drove home, I started to rethink my earlier "maybe this should be the last" way of thinking... it's a hard decision to make every month... emotionally, physically, and especially lately, financially. How often do you keep trying for your dreams?

And I was overwhelmed with the image of me holding and kissing the forehead of a little baby...

Maybe it's a "sign." Maybe it's just more wishful thinking. But, if you're listening, God, I could use a little Christmas miracle this year...