This weekend seemed to be full of them. Physically and emotionally and even financially.
I am at a loss. I have so many words and yet they all seem to get stuck.
I am hurt and angry and devastated and ... it turns into a vicious cycle. When I think I've got one hurt under control, something pulls the rug out from under me and all those paper cut wounds come bursting open again.
I'd like to blame self-involvement... but I'm certainly as guilty of such as the next. So instead I'll blame complacence. Somewhere along the line, it seeped in. I recognized it years ago when I commented on one of my yearly ruminations on Erik's death. But, it wasn't until now that I realized just how much it had seeped in; soaking everything around me.
This is likely to be the last post for a while. I need a break from the world and I'm tired of trying to be nice; trying to pretend there's nothing wrong - with me, with situations, with others - and I'm quite honestly tired of being hurt so much.
My body and mind need a break. So I'm going to indulge them in that.
