Death of the Social Butterfly

I have no idea why that particular title came to mind, but there you have it.

If anyone's been following, you know that in this post I have a variety of "invisible" diseases. The worst of this is gastric reflux... GERD... or as most people know, "heartburn." I've been through a number of surgeries and could go on ad nauseum about the anatomy of my digestive system. And... I thought it was "fixed."

But it creeps back in, at the worst times (not that there's really a GOOD time for this), and makes me feel more than frustrated... makes me feel like crawling under a rock and never coming out again.

Most people's experience with heartburn falls into a category of "indigestion" where you eat something that doesn't agree with you and it feels like your chest is actually burning. More serious sufferers, like me, can actually have heart attack-like pain, which thankfully has not recurred in me recently. However, I woke up at approximately 3:30 this morning, literally choking on stomach acid. Not really the best of wake-up calls, let me tell you. I have spent the day watching what I eat and hoping to find something which will make my stomach stop burning and my throat stop hurting.

And, from a mental / emotional standpoint, this isn't even the worst of it. I have a get-together tonight. Food, fun, friends and booze.

Being a bit of a "foodie" one can imagine social gatherings more often than not are surrounded food. Loving a good glass of wine, many such gatherings are also surrounded by alcohol of some variety.

And now maybe you'll start to see the picture of frustration I have painted my evening with, given my recent early morning wake-up calls.

I'm trying to keep on a happy face about this (positive thinking and all that jazz). I'm trying to make sure there is food available which will be less difficult on my digestive system. I try to tell myself that, not having a glass or two of wine will be fine.

But sometimes, I have a hard time talking myself into it. So best I can do is make the most of the lot I've been given and try not to get myself too down over it. Try not to kill that social butterfly and opt to hide here in the house instead. It's hard... and I know some folks who would say "don't worry" "don't hide" "we love you"... and that's all well and good, but the truth is this may be one of my most frustrating medical condition because it affects me in a very social way... and a way a lot of folk don't understand unless they've dealt with it themselves.

I blog to "get it out there" / "vent my spleen" as it were (if you'll pardon the pun). But it doesn't fix the problem... only reminds me that it's something I will always have to deal with. And maybe that it's time to start taking the more serious measures of accepting there are things I should no longer do / eat / drink in order to keep the symptoms to a mimimum. Because, I'm out of other medical options... and that's a really bad place to be.