Ok... still not Morgan's "birth story" but this one needs attention tonight.
This has the potential to be a trigger. Please do not read if you're easily upset.
I read a post this morning about a woman who lost her 22 day old baby to currently unknown causes. The doctors suspect a possible GI type issue - bowel rupture or something similar.
If you know my history, you know how deeply upsetting this sort of thing could be for me. Add to that some extreme fussiness after Morgan feeds the last few days and we have a volatile mix for one very upset mama.
It's hard. Babies do not come with manuals. There's no real "normal"... every child, like every person, is unique and different and bound to react in a variety of ways to a variety of things. What may be a concerning behavior in one child, may be something completely benign in another. And, there is no way to tell.
I was reminded tonight though that the best we can do is value each moment; treasure the times we do have as precious; and try not to focus too much on the "what if's" of this thing we call Life.
Thank you for that reminder...
Life is precious. Life is fleeting. Whether it is "controled" by a higher Being, by "Fate" or by dumb luck, we only get the moments we're going to get and so we need to savor each of them.
Pitiful cries, painful screams, precious smiles, giggles and coos; sleepy yawns and warm cuddles.
Each of these is important and treasured.
Some of you following know my yearly dedication to Erik. Some of you new followers, can find the dedication under the For Erik link. My life was made richer for having known him, poorer for having lost him. My only regret was no valuing our moments together more.
Morgan Amelia Burr has been long awaited in this family. She is more precious to me than anything has ever been and I never thought I could feel so much love for anyone. Every moment with her is new and beautiful and uniquely ours. And I'd rather those moments be treasured and remembered as the precious gifts they are, rather than full of worry for what happens next.
I was blessed by the Spirit and the Universe with her in my life. And I will remember that and treasure each moment more, rather than worry for moments which may never come.