For every test that comes back "normal" one would think I'd be happier. But I'm not. It makes me more frustrated. It makes me want to shake the doctors and say "What the hell is wrong with you that you don't know what is wrong with me???"
My primary is baffled. My abdominal ultrasound (which I was sure was going to come back with "OMG... what the HELL is THAT??) was "normal." The blood work, the physical exam, my BP, my heart my lungs...
If I didn't know that my body does such wacky things sometimes, I would almost be ready to believe the hype "it's all in your head." Except it's not. I could almost believe the "flutters" are anxiety or stress or "in my head." But the sudden flush, so bad my cheek hurts? SOMETHING is going on.
Now that we've almost completely eliminated a lot of the "absolute worst" case scenarios, determining (at least as far as my GI is concerned) there are no strange and rare tumors growing in my major abdominal systems, we're back to square one. I guess, in a way it is a relief to not have to face a "syndrome" which was looking pretty bleak as far as "if we find it, there's little hope." Heck, we didn't even seem to find the precursor to the syndrome. Alleluia and pass the peas.
But... no one seems to know WHY this is happening. OR if it's related to my infertility. I just want a damn answer so I can move on.
I've now set my primary to investigating my endocrine system. Or... my adrenals at any rate. I guess we start there. Reproductive hormones appear "normal", so it's time to look at the rest of the process. I'm running out of time and I hate that feeling. It's not at all conducive to this "relaxed state" I'm aiming for.
I may give this last set of blood work a go and if it doesn't show anything just chalk it up to "my body is screwing, let's move on." Which, sadly, may result in a final failure of the IVF. But I don't have time to keep going with this guessing game.
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