One step forward...

And that proverbial, two steps back.

I get an answer I feel pretty good about and then the "just in case" test makes me a wreck for the next two days. It's frustrating, it's terrifying... but most of all it's too often becoming "status quo" in my life. I thought I was getting ready to come out of my shell a bit; not live my "hermit life" quite so much. But, it's just not about to happen anytime soon, I fear.

It's just wearying. It's even more emotionally draining some days than all the hormone therapies put together. And, that horribly "ironic" thing about it is that worst case or not... stress is ONLY going to make my symptoms worse and more frequent.

Plain, white rice is once again one of the few things I can eat without an incredible amount of discomfort. Plain, white rice is one of the WORST things for me to be eating from a fertility standpoint. It's either that or just give up on the eating thing altogether right now. So, I eat what I can, suffer through the pain of it and give myself a "treat" of rice now and then to just give my body a break.

More doctor's appointments and tests scheduled. I want an answer... but I do want the answer I want. And each step forward towards getting that answer, seems followed by the terrifying possibility of two steps back and an answer I don't want.

It's time for my happy ending, dammit. All of them. All of my dreams, all of my hopes and all of my happiness. I'm ready Universe. It's time to send it my way.